Pandora's Hope

Need Peace

2012-01-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

Went to the temple today,

pray and pray and pray...

I've never felt this way before...

it's damn torturing...

I can't fully enjoy my holiday...

not even a second.

Don't dare to know my result,

don't dare to think how I'm going to tell my dad if it failed me.

Can't sleep well,

or eat well.

Hate this feeling so much...

Please, I pray again...

Had a dream last night,

dreamed that I got all As.

Again, I pray,

hope it can be real.

God,save the girl.

2012-01-07T08:03:00.001-08:00

Ever since i checked my credit hours,I'm now worried sick...I've tried my best and I think I did better than last sem...But still, my credit hours is not enough 36!Why...I don't wanna fail any subjects, dad's gonna kill me...Please... I pray hard....God, save me...

活的骄傲

2012-01-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

继上一段恋情的结束到现在，
我的感情生活中除了曾出现暧昧的情节，
基本上是空白的。

空了半年，
还是头一次那么久呢⋯⋯

以前只要恋情一结束，
不到两个月就找到另一段爱情。
是为了取代么？
恐怕是的。

或许这次成熟了，
或者，是害怕再次被狠狠地伤害吧⋯⋯

不管怎样，
我依然要把自己的人生活出更精彩。

'Old' Picha tells stories

2012-01-03T08:47:00.000-08:00

"an 'old' photo from last year. with dear friend, sue :D

you don't need a guy to make you strong. owl love yooh! haha"

.rox.

Thanks! Roxanne :)

i feel warm when i read it <3

but the 1st thing that came into my mind when i saw this picture was...

"geez... your 60D really useful ah~ xD"

hahahaha!

and

"why my face looked so kanasai-ly yak si ah T____T

result of didn't get enough sleep? "

well,

those are just funny thoughts.

it's not about the picture,

or how i look,

is about our friendship :))

thanks rox,

for being such an awesome friend:')

and

thanks to turtle too~

even though the moment we spent together

was short and less,

but you still concern about me

and give me support

no matter where you are :)

*hugs*

ahem~

btw, rox.

do you know that

owl represents him? :P

but nvm~

now, owl is simply part of my collection :)

how can i love again?

2012-01-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

how to be brave?
how can i love when i'm afraid to fall, again.

you, are the one who took away my doubt,
you made me believe, that you are different.
but now,
you are standing in front of me,
holding my heart, crash it right in front of me,
telling me our love was a great mistake...
how could you...
how could you let me standing there alone,with my broken heart...
but the worst feeling is not being alone,
it is being forgotten by someone you could not forget...

till now,
i still loving you...
like i have done this a thousand years ago...

tell me,
how can i love again? :')

New Yeaaaaar!

2011-12-31T06:12:00.000-08:00

还有几个小时便是新的一年。
身为全世界不知多少个人口中的其中一员，
对于最后一天，即使觉得累到半死，也是有话要说啦～
今年的最后一天，真是有够折磨人的@@
为了最后的考试（学校挺会选日子，选在最后一天让我们发疯），
我凌晨一点才睡，四点就爬起来重温‘马克定’==
然后迷迷糊糊地进考场，胡乱地写啊写，好像很厉害了，其实有很多都忘记了==
直到考完了，i was like, "oh...好像考完了... 完蛋了，sem 4又在招手了。"
不过我还好，一些前一晚跟rox & bryan讨论过的，都还记得，
不过啊，那个超级baka的bryan!我们明明一直在他面前重复，还解释给他听，
结果他说他不记得，不知道！天啊～rox,把他拖出去斩吧！
不过，有可能是他在骗人，因为他每次都在骗人，整个鸟屎酱～哈哈哈哈！（狂笑）
还有还有，谢谢vampire的礼物～^^她真的很有才华～
再还有还有，感谢爸比载rox & byran 去巴士站～
再来，感谢外婆生下妈咪！对啊～今天是那个女王的生日噢！
所以之后爸比带我们去谷中城逛（这星期的第二次==)
瞧，女王陛下买东西买到很爽噢～ xD
而我，只买三本书，准备用两个星期的假期狂看书！
当然，三本是不够我看，我打算重看我现在拥有的书！大概有两百多本吧⋯⋯
从历史，心理学，文学，侦探，言情，鬼故事到课本！
呃⋯⋯不对不对，我应该分享最后一天的心情，而不是策划假期要做什么><
开始新的一段吧！

咳咳⋯⋯
今天是最后一天了～
在谷中城看到那曾发誓会娶我的男孩，
然后，面子书上，那个曾爱我爱到会死的男孩unblock我了⋯⋯
这意味着什么？不重要了:)祝他们幸福吧！
每一年的最后天，我都在祈祷，祈祷在新的一年，我不会再失去重要的人⋯⋯
但是，今年，我又失去了⋯⋯
一个爱人，一个朋友⋯⋯
希望明年⋯⋯不会再失去了⋯⋯
我真的不想再失去些什么了⋯⋯
亲爱的神，
我只是个人类，我的心承受不了那么多的离别⋯⋯
真的。

希望新的一年，我比以前更快乐！

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

secret

2011-12-30T00:20:00.000-08:00

secret, in JOHARI window, is known by you, but not known by others.
but this is different...
this secret is told by my friend, and it can only be known by just two of us.
i'm glad you chose to tell me, coz you trust me and you believe that i can help.
you don't wanna tell others, it's not you don't trust them, it is because... it's a not a thing that can be shared. It's not a happy thingy :(

sometimes i feel stress in keeping secret.
coz i'm a person that get worrier than the person involved.
but your secret is safe with me. Don't worry.

Everything gonna be ok.

戒指

2011-12-21T04:56:00.000-08:00

打算把初恋和第三任情人送的戒指丢入海，

把它们永远埋在深海⋯⋯

唯独你送的戒指，

我想永远收着⋯⋯

即使心里还是很怨你，

但那戒指是个珍贵的礼物，

有着珍贵的回忆⋯⋯

它让我回忆起，

我收到它的心情⋯⋯

惊喜，难以形容的开心，甚至感动到想哭了⋯⋯

当时的心情，犹如，是你在求婚⋯⋯而我感动到无法形容⋯⋯

敬逝去的爱情，

敬我们的青春⋯⋯

我放弃等待了。祝你幸福。

forever alone?

2011-12-17T06:23:00.000-08:00

下星期又去泰国旅行了⋯⋯

很多人不解，“泰国有什么东西好玩？”

对我而言，泰国是个很亲切的国家，而合艾，像是我第二个家。

泰国人民都很亲切，食物好吃，东西又便宜⋯⋯

虽然文化与我们不同，但这才显得他们特别。而且那里很美。

每一次去都是爸爸驾车去，

因为我们可以自己到处走，

看得东西比较多，

买的东西也够位放！哈哈哈！

去合艾的路程非常远⋯⋯

需要10个小时吧。

每次去，我都有当时的男友陪我信息，

让我在途中不感到闷⋯⋯

而且，每次到了关口，都会依依不舍地对他们说“等我回来⋯⋯”

然后在那里，一边玩乐，一边想念他们⋯⋯

回来马来西亚时，又有他们在等我回来⋯⋯

感觉挺幸福的⋯⋯

但现在，

我还未在圣诞前遇到让我心动的男生，

这次的旅途，恐怕只有lecture notes陪我吧⋯⋯

有点感伤呢⋯⋯

2011-12-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

i cried when i read her first message,

her words... seem so helpless, sad...

heartache when he's blaming himself and telling how sorry he is...

i really feel helpless when i watch both of them become like this...
i wish i could do something to help...
coz they are my friends...

to him,
try your best to fix this situation... please.

to her,
trust him again, will you?

and dear God,
please lead them...

坏脾气

2011-12-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

发觉自己的脾气越来越坏了，
可能是压力和迟睡的关系吧？（把罪名硬套在压力和睡眠不足上，抱歉了，两位。）

我也不知为什么，
以前我很忍得，
可以到忍气吞声，或假装听不到，看不见的功力，
连我自己也吓到。
现在却做不到了。
总觉得自己应该说出来或发泄。
结果人缘变得不怎么好了。
唉⋯⋯真为难呐！

脑残

2011-12-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

最近有个朋友在线上参加了一个不适合他的比赛，
（我挺同情该网站，比赛的主题跟参赛者用于参赛的照片，差十万八千里，完全没联想。即使他们随便选中任何参赛者为冠军，我打死也不肯承认他是冠军。而且打死我也不信参赛者的容貌跟照片100％吻合！假到爆！哈哈哈！）

咳咳，回到我那个朋友那里。
我这个朋友爱参加一些线上选霉，不，是选美比赛。
然后呢，一直叫人家投他。
对，不理他就可以了。
我就是用这个方法‘挺’过来。

但，
最近他‘滥用华语’，
把我惹火了！

说什么“按个赞又不会怀孕”
什么狗屁怀孕不怀孕！
我按了才真的他妈的会怀孕！
脑残噢？没别的词用了吗？
跟你说了，还给我扮无辜说是直接copy and paste的，
在说虾啊？你到底看懂我写什么吗？

还有，不要把你自己弄得越来越假，
虽然我宁可看真实的你，
但，请你减少放你的自拍照，好不好？
还有，我没兴趣知道你说了什么。

越来越多人以为可以在面子书当红。
确实会，除非你人长得真的很美咯，
没办法，这是在虚拟世界的现实中的现实。

war

2011-12-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

to get the best sem 3 timetable,
UTAR has turned into a battle field.

before it starts, (before 9a.m.)
we already stand by and isaac lead us in prayer, in skype. LOL
we prayed and we start our war.

but the starting was a bad one,
some of us unable to enter :(
we tried and tried so hard,
still failed.

when we are able to enter,
either the sever was lagg
or some slots have already taken.
uggghhhh.... great :S

after i done registered 4 subjects,
server down!
fck.
i was soooooo pissed and i start writing harsh words about UTAR.
others too.
my fb homepage was full with statuses that condemning UTAR.
my dear socio lecturer was pissed,
for him, we shouldn't act like that,
like crybaby, whiner, he said.
sorry, sir, i know we are immature,
but we are not crybabies, we just pissed.
even mature adults get angry too,
doesn't mean they are crybabies,right?

my friend then found a way to register,
she quickly tell us
and there's no better options left :(
so i 'cin cai' register.... haiz....

sem 3 timetable, i'll try to like you :(

D for?

2011-12-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

D for Dog?

D for Design?

D for Danielle?

it should be:

D for: Drawing Assignment> Danielle> tired like Dog> Done > Dead> *Yeah* (sry, yeah is Y: it stands for why, why we have to suffer like shit)?

First time ever in my life, i kept myself awake for the WHOLE NIGHT!

to rush my design assignment :S

but thank goodness i was not alone! bwahahahaha!!!

Last night we couldn't finish our drawing at Jaya One Old Town,

coz there was cute a Nepalis waiter around xD

gossssshhh~ he is soooooo cute when he approach me with his super duper cute smile :D

ahem, this is not the main point.

we did it till 11 something (p.m.), still can't finish,

and we realize it already late,

so decided to finish it at Bryan's place! (muahahaha!! Papa's place!)

we went to Rox's place first to pick up something and i took a bath there.

While Bryan send small-no-dot back to her place,i done shower in 10 mins!

10 mins leh!

i got wash my hair some more!

nehh, Isaac Koh and Bryan said girls took too long to bath coz girls camwhore before they bath woooorrrrr! Stereotype la you guys!

we carried lotsa stuff and walked to Bryan's place. Isaac and Bryan was soooo noisy== especially Issac, damn bising.

when we passed by the shop lots, there was a girl sitting on a bench in front a shop, talking. I'm not sure whether she's talking on a phone, using earphone or what, but it's creepy enough for me to see someone talking with herself, outside, alone plus it's midnight.

Isaac was far behind, when he catches up us, he told us when he pass by that girl, he heard the girl said " my mommy ask you to be careful!" wtf?

then we saw 2 guys were playing badminton in front of their house==

when we reached Bryan's place, we chit-chat (talk craps), camwhore, draw, and then talk crap again xD

until 3 something, bryan beh tahan edy, he lied on the old sofa and then Zzzzzzzz. =__=

Isaac's eyes were smaller and smaller...... *dom* 2 down=__=

left me and rox 热血d draw xD

*skip skip skip*

we finished our drawing at 8 something in the morning,

Isaac laughed at my tree coz it looks somekind of vegetable=___=

but he's even worse, float on air one! xD

isaac then wear only boxer from the bathroom after he took shower,

kanasai lah, isaac.

around 12p.m. i rushed to studio to hand in my work.

and threw a ugly face to Danielle's kns face :S

ahhh!!!! done!!!!!

bye bye! fundamental drawing! i hate you! weeeeeeee :D

oh ya, i just woke up, in the middle of the night == after i slept for 10 hours,from 7p.m. till 3 something, A.M.!

don't refer to the blog's time and date, coz something went wrong with blogger==

(7/12/2011)

热血啊！

2011-11-28T01:42:00.000-08:00

自从上了大学后，

不但换了新的环境，

也结识了新的朋友，

感觉就像⋯⋯

换了新的人生。

在赶功课，

拼命刨书，

拼命玩乐的日子，

以前所发生的事，

犹如昨晚的梦，

似不曾存在过。

有时候感到无聊，

便特意让自己回想过去，

悲伤一下，也爽。

事实上，

心中的刺早已不在。

我就这样冷冷地过我的人生⋯⋯

直到，到处吹起“那些年” 风，

我突然热血起来，

死都想看这部电影！

我的朋友的表姐(tammie)，

也很热血地乱跟刀大的电影名作翻译，

为：those year we together chase the girl！

我的朋友(roxy)也不是省油的灯，

她把想看的两部电影：

《那些年》+ Immortals

合拼为：

those year we together chase the immortals!

哇，听起来很恐怖一下～

哈哈哈！

好了好了，

回来回来。

前两个星期，

不管口袋剩多少钱，

我跟朋友热血地买了戏票，

然后拿着爆米花滚进电影院！

看到柯腾和朋友打手枪的那一幕，

我扮清纯地问布莱恩：

“爸比，什么打手枪”

布莱恩：“⋯⋯”

后来我豁出去啦！

我坏坏地问：

“爸比，你有没有打过手枪？”

布莱恩忍住回答：“你可以不要问这样的问题吗？”

我不死心，誓问到底！

“爸比，你以前有没有跟朋友一起打？”

布莱恩：“吼，你够了噢！”

哈哈哈！！

后来，

荧幕转到柯腾为了沈佳宜，

很热血地念书，

我自己也跟着热血起来了！吼！

直到毕业典礼那一幕，

我突然缅怀起我的中学生涯⋯⋯

那个有许多个曾经的地方，

我在育华的每个角落，

留下我回不了的回忆。

从初恋到我最后一个恋情，

我把它们埋在育华的土地⋯⋯

还有，

我的朋友，

我感谢他们每一位。

因为他们，

我的人生才不那么沉闷。

还有，

沈佳宜和柯腾在雨中吵架的那一幕，

柯腾那句：就是笨蛋才追了你那么久！

我突然有些许感触⋯⋯

现今还有多少个人傻傻地追你那么久呢？

唉⋯⋯

虽然眼泪已在眼眶打滚，

但我的内心越来越热血！

加上，

最近看了深雪的新书《人生拍卖会3》后，

吼！老娘更热血了啦！

我要活得骄傲！有格调！

更要热血地做每一样事！

热血到连我自己都怕！

科科科～

刀大，吊噢～

向青春致敬！

oh please.

2011-11-24T09:15:00.000-08:00

yes, beauty comes from confidence.
girls with great confidence are beautiful...

but please,
don't camwhore too much
and post 'em all to your fb!
(even though its your fb)
but it is all over my homepage!

c'mon,
it's very annoying!
plus.... your pose is.... not cute at all.
doesn't suit you at all.

so,stop.
for the sake of my eyes.

if not,
i have to unfriend you.

没有你的人生。

2011-11-24T08:56:00.000-08:00

习惯了没有你的人生。
既是一个人搭车，
望着窗外也没特别期待你的身影。
逛街时，
手只要拿着咖啡，
就不会去怀念牵手的日子。
有朋友一起哈啦的日子，
就算渴望爱的怀抱，
也不再那么强烈。

若你认为我写这些是特意给你看，
那证明你并不了解我。
我是要让全世界的单身男女知道，
单身也不赖！

Grow Up A Bit! Will ya'?

2011-11-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

hey,
we are just your friend,
not your babysitter!
blur 也有个限度吧？
每次买东西都是我们几个到处找，
买了后，
你只是负责给钱收下！
老是都要我们提醒你，
若没提起某某重要的事，
你就不知道有那回事！
天啊，你几岁了？
你怪老师对你残忍，
其实不能完全怪她，
你自己那么大了，
应该对自己的东西负责啊！
她没理由要照顾我们每个人吧？

你的blur，我们已忍了很久，
我和几个接下来需跟你一起相处的朋友，
都不知道能忍你多久⋯⋯

我们不是讨厌你，
而是⋯⋯忍耐也有限度啊！
please la
我们会累的叻⋯⋯

________________

2011-11-23T17:10:00.000-08:00

We used to love each other
like there's no tomorrow
never thought that you might not the right one
not the right prince i have been waiting for
no no no noooo...

until you left and forever gone in my life
i know it's time to wake up
start my another journey without you
i will never look back
never....

if love still stays in your heart
you can keep it
until it fade

if those bitter sweet memory still stuck in your mind
nevermind
just drag it to the trash

you will be fine
and i am still me
it's another page
another heart broken story

someday

i will find my perfect prince

and we will have beautiful children

maybe i will tell them about this story of mine

that was long lost in my life

it just another page

another heart broken story

this is an unperfect love story

you and i know it very well

so say goodbye

Hello,my first.

2011-11-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

thought that i will never see you again,

not even in pictures.

but i was wrong.

you look....

handsomer, mature,

and... different.

i was staring at your pictures for quite long,

wonder this guy was my first love?

seems like,

you left Mic and me,

and go for that school,

is the best choice you have ever made...

it's been years,

we didn't talk to each other.
you hate me,
and i haven't forgive you.

it's already 4 years...
can't believe that you are now graduated,
and preparing for SPM.
while me,
being a loser,
stuck at foundation at the age of 20.
how pathetic...

our love wasn't blessed by anyone.
it's a secret that can hurts the one we care.
so it ends tonight,
everything.

we won't meet again.
Calvin.

The One That Got Away

2011-11-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

Summer after high school when we first met
We make out in your Mustang to Radio head
And on my 18th birthday we got that chain tattoos
Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof
Talk about our future like we had a clue
Never plan that one day I'd be losing you

And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in other life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

I was dreaming you were my Johnny Cash
Never one, we got the other, we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on, whoa
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the blues
It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse

And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

The one, the one, the one
The one that got away

All these money can't buy me a time machine, no
Can't replace you with a million rings, no
I should've told you what you meant to me, whoa
'Cause now I pay the price

In another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

The one, the one, the one, the one

And in another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

-by Katy Perry.

this song reminds me of you, sam, the one who got away....

.bitter sweet symphony.

2011-11-11T09:09:00.000-08:00

09.11.2011

you finally graduated.

congratz:)

i went through many photo albums,

videos....

saw you smiling in every pictures and every scene,

nothing cheer me better than your smile.

and

there's one picture you,

were standing next to her,

both of you look so match to each other...

when we were together,

we were waiting for this moment for so long,

and waiting for you to finish you SPM.

so that we can spend more time together.

but we didn't make it till that day...

i wanted to text you...

tell you how much i miss you.

but i don't think this the right time...

you have to focus.

i know that...

hey,

don't worry,

i'm having a good life here,

with a bunch of friends with me :)

they are awesome.

(maybe you weren't worried at all)

All the best in your exam,

i give all my luck to you.

and

for my form 5 friends,

someday,

when i go back to yu hua,

i'll feel so lonely,

coz i have no one there,

anymore.

i miss you guys :(

take care & all the best in your exam!

P.S

Happy Birthday, Calvin Yong.

I don't wanna be nobody in your life.

Be mature a bit, will ya?

i feel terrible!

2011-11-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

don't know why...

recently.

i get pissed off of you easily.

sometimes you can be cute,

but

sometimes you just seem immature to me.

and that really makes me mad.

hey,

i wanna stay with you,

but,

please put yourself in MY shoes.

i know it wasn't your suggestion,

but i can't help myself mad at you...

what's wrong with me....

Another ROAR

2011-11-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

When xiao-bu-dian told me,

starting 3rd sem, her roommate will move back to Kajang,

so two of us can stay together.

I was happy when I heard that,

but I then turned worry.

Coz...

Sometimes, both of us got roommate issues,

so I'm kinda worry that in future,

we might argue or have a fight :(

secondly,

what if we can't find a nice place to stay?

Honestly, I kinda like the place where I'm staying now,

although it's kinda messy,

but people here are nice.

third,

how am I going to tell my roommate about this :(

most of the time she seems emotional.

I feel bad for leaving her.

Last,

After xiao-bu-dian done with her foundation studies,

she will be moving to setapak,

then i have to find another roommate,

which may not as nice as Sarah or xiao-bu-dian :(

but i wanna stay with xiao-bu-dian! and stay nearby with Roxy ><

ahhhhhh!!!!

p.s

my dad wants me to move too :S

ROAR!

2011-11-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

you know what?
I'm kinda sick of seeing or hearing these sentences:

"eh, why you tell him/her oh."
c'mon, reasons i tell him/her about it, either he/she deserves to know, must know or i really don't know that we can't let him/she knows about this.

"don't say here leh."
how am i suppose to know when i can talk abt this, when i can't?! walao eh! You think i can read your mind izzit?

Please! I'm tired of it. Keep on thinking when i can say this and that... is this the right situation to talk about this.... bla bla bla....

FML.

i dunno D:

2011-11-01T00:50:00.000-07:00

you're just right in front of me...

you look handsome when you are sleeping quietly:)

sigh...

mixed feelings,

is what i'm feeling now...

do i like you?

i dunno.

coz,

i can easily fall for anyone.

but,

sometimes i get jealous when you are close to some girls...

feeling down when i can't see you...

shit...

what am i talking about :S

credits to awesome people

2011-10-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

it's awesome if you got a friend,

sounds like a pro psychologist or a sociologist :)

you can learn lotsa valuable things from him/her,

trust me.

like yesterday,

i met with a friend.

she has been my 'counselor' for years:)

WHY?

coz she's good at observing people and she always give the right advice.

well,

we talked about 3 stages in relationships,

discovering people,

and how people influence us,

(man, it was like studying sociology, but i like it.)

from what she observed, she experienced and she discovered,

i found it very true.

it was amazing!

her words,

impressed me and make me wanna try it,

discover it myself :)

i will talk about the 3 stages in relationships later,

now,i'm yawning and yawing.

time for bed :D

bad day.

2011-10-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

last tues, i planned to stay over at small no dot's place,
but,i end up going back home coz i lost my wallet (it's nt a wallet actually, it's a card holder where i put all my cards in it).
where i lost it? let me tell ya.
it's a place crowded with people that waiting for the world's lousiest public transport,
yep, ktm station i'm sayin, at Mid Valley.
i've no idea how i lost it, people were pushing pushing PUSHING when the train arrived..
and *skip skip skip* my card holder gone!
my IC, driving license, 2 touch n' go cards, atm card, some bla bla bla member cards and RM50 note.... all GONE!
but thank goodness i didn't lost my debit card, if not, my money will gone in one night :S

when i got home, i called the bank and i called my friends for help....
thank goodness i got a bunch of friends that willing to help me :')
it's great to have you guys :)
my dear small-no-dot was kinda guilty,
nahhh~ nobody knows this will happen,right? :)

sigh... lousy ktm.
i hate you...
you're the main cause of this.

Suffer.

2011-10-08T06:58:00.000-07:00

maybe it's the side effect of the new medicines,

maybe there's something wrong in my body...

I don't know,

whether it's a kind of mental illness,

or my brain is out of control.

recently i suffer claustrophobia and emetophobia...

when i'm in a closed (moving) space,

i will feel a bit

dizzy, panic, disgust

and

my will face turn pale,

my head goes blank,

feel like going to vomit in anytime...

I don't wanna be like this...

this is not right,

embarrassing,

scary...

I tried to sleep early everynight ,

stop consuming the new medicine,

meditate,

everything that i can do to overcome it...

I NEED A NORMAL, HEALTHY LIFE

LIKE OTHERS...

R.I.P Steve.

2011-10-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

14th of Oct. 2011

Machines @ Mid Valley

Steve made apple the most awesome fruit eva! by me.

I'm an Apple fan,

but I'm more like a JobsFan.

awesome man like him,

i pay my highest respect to him,

salute!

no one can ever replace him.

Long Live Steve Jobs,

Apple Forever...

Pissed Off.

2011-09-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

I knew someday she will use mac alex without my permission.
But still, I didn't set up password or switch on my security alarm,
coz I know, if she knew, she will feel upset even though she didn't do it.

But in the end, she disappoints me.

That day, i went to campus early.
She was at home, coz she doesn't have class on that day.
During lunch break, she texted me about her laptop was ready to pick up.
I felt glad for her, coz it had been weeks her laptop sent to the service centre.

When I arrived home, the room was empty, fine,
I turned on my mac with my broadband still remain plug-in to my mac...
nothing happened until I tried to connect my broadband,
it lagged awhile and asked me to reinstall my broadband coz before that,
her installed FCKING DIGI BOARDBAND! which means before that, SHE USED MY MACBOOK WHEN I WAS NOT AT HOME!

I was like: wtf? she used my mac without asking me?
i straight away text her and ask her about it.
She quickly admit she used it for emergency,
and she apologized.
Used it for emergency so didn't think of asking your permission,she told me.
wtf! EMERGENCY??!
even it's for emergency,
shouldn't you ask me for permission 1st?
I will still say okay even though I don't really like you to use it!
I hate people touch my stuff without my permission!
Especially my laptop!
Even though there's no secret in it,
BUT IT IS MY PERSONAL ITEM! PRIVACY! YOU KNOW?!
even my mom or my sisters ask for my permission before they use it!
wth! who the hell you think you are?!!
last time you used up my nail polish, then you inform me about that, I was pissed!
but you replaced it back,fine.
Now,oh my god... I don't think I can trust you anymore.

Congratz, you pissed me off!

Dream High

2011-09-30T05:52:00.000-07:00

在妹妹不断地推荐下，

我终于乖乖地看Dream High（韩剧），

不过我是从disc 2看起！哈哈哈哈！

看看下，哇靠！

不得了！

我开始中美男毒了！

瞧瞧，俊男美女耶！

呵呵呵～

除了被帅哥吸引，

我也被它的故事给深深地感动了>__<

超好看的！

phiew!

2011-09-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

eh, I woke up so early to study,

I stick my butt on UTAR library chair for long hours,

revising the same thing for many times,

and then, after the exam,

I got worried for days and nights...

in the end....

I won the war!! weeeeeeeeeee :D

although my cgpa just 2.8,

but i'm satisfied la~

eh,during the exam,

I made many stupid mistakes leh!

but,i can still get a C for maths.

phiew!!

thank god!

thanks to roxy, jia hui & Bryan for helping me!

thanks, mr tew!

phiew! no sem 4!

I'm coming! sem 2!

你的泪

2011-09-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

有个男孩，
让我欢喜，让我忧⋯⋯

至今，我都无法把你忘却⋯⋯

一个星期的学校假期，
我把我的时间献给了书虫，
因为店就在学校对面，
让我觉得跟你很靠近⋯⋯
但在那里工作也有坏处喔⋯⋯
那就是，每当有顾客进入，
我都会很习惯性，或者说，很神经质地抬头望向入口，
哪怕是你突然找到藏在那里的我⋯⋯
可是⋯⋯你一次都没来⋯⋯

有时候，我会站在窗前，
看着人来人往，
心想会不会看到你笑着跟朋友走过⋯⋯
但我没遇见你⋯⋯

有时候，我会发小呆，
让思绪飘到几个月前⋯⋯
那时候，
每当你放学后，都会跑来店里找我去吃午餐⋯⋯
那段时光，虽短但很值得⋯⋯
午餐后，送我回去工作的你，
总会用手轻轻地刮我的鼻尖，
或捏捏我的鼻尖要我努力地干⋯⋯

哈，我想我真的很想念你，想到快疯了吧⋯⋯

自从跟你分手后，
我想了很多⋯⋯
直到我翻起你还给我的笔记本，
我找到你的泪，
就在第一面的第一行字，
《幸福可以很简单》的“单”字上⋯⋯
我才惊觉，
从提分手到现在，
我只顾虑到自己的感受、感想⋯⋯
其实那一天你也很烦恼吧⋯⋯
偏偏我，自以为自己放手，就可以让你幸福，
硬要你说出“我不再爱你”这句话⋯⋯
当时你犹豫了，
但最后还是哽咽地说出那五个字。

Tek: 执着很久哦你
我：我疯了吧？哈⋯⋯
什么让我那么执著？
还不是因为你曾用坚定的眼神对我许下承诺⋯⋯
还有，如果你不要我，
就没人抱得起我，
没人背我，
没人陪我窝在书店，
没人跟我一起下厨，
没人捏我的鼻子了⋯⋯

我真的很喜欢你⋯⋯曾永辉⋯⋯
喜欢到猫头鹰都受不了我⋯⋯

je t'aime! monsieur samson chen.

不过，
现在本小姐会抱着九把刀精神，
热血地奋斗，
在学业上杀个漂亮的成绩出来！

2011-09-10T23:09:00.000-07:00

我知道设计的路不易走，

所以我已悄悄地在为自己铺路了。

最近，不管多忙都好，

只要朋友或妹妹要求我帮他们设计东西，

我都义不容辞地去做，

除了让他们对我建立起口碑，

也让他们替我‘宣传’。哈！

偶尔，我也会随意地拿起纸设计些图案，

然后赠送朋友。

男生和女生的手形成一个字母: D

这是我们巴士票后面那张用来垫着的褐色纸喔！

这里有十六只猫头鹰～

从 body shop 拿回来的～哈！

这是我床头的墙！哈哈哈！

还没完整的。

期待一下吧！

成功的路不易走，

就动动脑筋，

让它变得容易行通吧！

我相信只要我的朋友和妹妹喜欢我的作品，

他们就会是我将来固定的客户啦～

呵呵呵，

深谋远虑吧？

没办法啊，

这就是现实⋯⋯

It's Not Easy

2011-09-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

fuuuuu,

this is not easy!

but

I'll try :)

:(

2011-09-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

My housing area is no longer in peace...
terrible thing happened a night before...

That night, my family were watching TV at the living room,
Joey was at my room watching me playing TheSim2.
Then we heard noise, someone was screaming. (Around 11p.m.)
I ignored it, coz I thought someone having a fight or what.
Until I heard my mom called my neighbor (opposite my house) be home asap,
then I realized there was 2 Indian guys broke into my neighbor's house (no one was there that time),
but they found nothing, so they went to the next door...
At the same time, the owner heard some noise, so she went down and saw the burglars.
One of them run, the another one covered that aunty's mouth and clutched her neck very hard.
Then he beat her until uncle went downstairs and saw the incident, the indian guy ran to the park nearby my house.

No one call the police,
coz they think it's useless to call the police :(

sigh....
the burglars aren't sneak into houses like they use to be,
they break the locks and get into the house from the front door!
somemore around 10something!
and they harm people :(

scary....

Something To Remember...

2011-08-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

I was not your woman,

I was not your friend,

But you gave me something to remember.

No other man said love yourself

Nobody else can.

We weren't meant to be,

At least not in this lifetime,

But you gave me something to remember.

I hear you still say,

"Love yourself".

朋友 :)

2011-08-31T10:00:00.000-07:00

那天给布莱恩(Bryan)和乐贤(Roxanne)开导了挺久，
尤其是布莱恩，超会念人>___<
反而乐贤是用温和的方式开导我⋯⋯（但最后她也有点想打爆我的头了！哈哈哈！）
后来乐贤有点想放弃了，所以交给布莱恩继续念我。（他们不是情侣喔～呵呵呵！）
布莱恩一直说服我忘却samson，忘却过去的伤痛，
若缘分来了，不许用玩玩的方式去谈恋爱⋯⋯
（他还强调：我最讨厌对感情抱着玩玩态度的女生！）喔，知道了啦＝＝
若缘分未到，就找东西来做。
Bryan: You need a new hobby.
Me: I think I got enough hobbies.
我过后还list一堆嗜好给他，结果⋯⋯
Bryan: You need another hobby. STUDY （金鱼还按like 呢）
“你必须让自己很忙，然后忘却他！收起他的东西，不要再怀念他了。”布莱恩说。
啊～不用你说，我早已收起来了，除了他的书包啦。
然后布莱恩非要简单的概述我跟他的始和终>____<
最后我也忍不住想乐贤抱怨啦～哈哈哈！
但，最后最后，我还是答应了布莱恩。

有这两位朋友，
是我前世吃了狗屎运修来的吧？
虽然才认识几个月，
但我们都好像成为了知己。
不过，
两位，抱歉啦。
因为那个人，
入住我的心太深了，
所以不是说能忘就忘⋯⋯
可能需要一段很长很长的时间吧⋯⋯ :')

S & S

2011-08-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

Roxy:

your probability of getting an 'e' guy,

is pretty high.

Me:

I want S guy!

Roxy:

yerrr.... don't give you.

(ha, you think you're god? xD)

argghh,

I don't care,

I want samson chen,

no matter what.

I don't know why,

I just can't get over it.

Tell Me Who You Are.

2011-08-28T00:29:00.000-07:00

heyy,

my dear blog visitors,

i'm so curious.

WHO ARE YOU?

actually.

I wanna know,

so bad...

so,

you see that chat box next to this post?

so yea,

write there

and tell me who you are,

puhhhleaseeee~~ >_____<

coz i'm curious,

if you ask why.

Bye Bye Sem.1 D.F!

2011-08-27T06:32:00.000-07:00

My Practical Work

lousy ==

My studio Journal!!

(back)

My Assignments:)

font that designed by me! hiak!

let's have a closer look!

Book Cover Design

I guess I only do well in my assignments xD

anyway,

so long~

stupid sem.1 Design Fundamental!

Imma do better in sem.2!

F**k Yew!

2011-08-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know why,

when I'm with ma gay cousin,

I'm free to use the F word xD

Hey,

Fuck you! xD

Random

2011-08-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

Vincent, a guy from my alma mater, same age with sam,

confessed to me...

I agreed but I refused after that...

coz I still in love with the same guy.

Before vincent,

there's a guy said our loud that he miss me, in the bus,

everyone looked at me with the weird looking

and

my heart did stopped for awhile,

but I know he was joking.

Jia Hui and Roxy hope that me and him can be together,

but I think that's impossible =P

and then...

today, was the last day our maths lecturer teach us.

before the class, my friends (male) planned to aluba our lecturer.

I think that is not a good idea,

so I refused to join them...

when mr tew said he is single & hoping to get a girl friend among his students...

Joseph and Ching Ling said out loud that I like mr tew,

coz I defensed him from getting aluba-ed == (i never hate him, i just like mr tew as a teacher)

and what makes my jaw drop is... mr tew ask for my phone number.

everyone was like screaming and cheering? ==

i pretend i didn't hear anything but throw a dirty look at Joseph and the gang.

"Damn you all" I said and Joseph was smiling, evilly.

then they continued make fun of me and mr tew,

and mr tew kept on asking for my contact number and e-mail address ==

when it came to the end,

i just gave him my fb, that's it and the brats screamed and screamed==

after that, when i logged in my fb,

walao eh... Enrique Tew add me as friend?

class just dismissed not more than 5 minutes ago leh ==

geng...

and thanks to Joseph and Ching Ling,

I will suffer for days T_T

A Wonderful Family Day :)

2011-08-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

It happened a week ago,
but i was too busy.

Last Sunday...
Dad was in a very fine mood before he drove me back to PJ.
He brought us to Mid Valley and he bought tickets for Harry Potter movie! :D
before the movie starts,
he bought mom a ring with a huge blue crystal on it and sparkling diamonds around the rings as an anniversary gift. awww....

for lunch, we had Sushi King! :D

mom was kinda shy xD

and

dad looked so serious xD

Joey ignored me T_T

my youngest sista, lilian :)

me! with the silly smile on my face xD

Yen's Birthday present :D

me and mom bought this secretly,

it's a surprise for yen :D

a pair of earings :D

Movie Time :D

The most touching part in Harry Potter 7 is,

after all this time,

Severus was protecting Harry,

he is not a bad guy :'(

and he loves Harry's mom very much.

and the old man Dumbledore ain't helping at all.

Dinner~

After the movie,

dad suggested we have Korean food!

yay!

for our very first korean meal,

we spent around RM200++ O_O

but it was a nice experience and everyone enjoyed it :D

my mom :)

2011-08-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

Mom is kinda worry that i might committed suicide in anytime,
especially after another heart breaking relationship (even thought i didn't tell her anything about sam and I) and stress from homework & tests...
she was so worry sick,
coz normally i will tell her everything,
but now i don't.
She told me not to worry about anything, include money, and she loves me :')
aww... I know, mommy, i know.
your daughter ain't that weak :) believe her.

This is a gift from mom :)

Mom:

I know you have tried you best,

and

I know you like owl very much

so this is for you as reward :)

but...

since when you like owl that much??

Me:

Dunno?

I just love it :D

(if i tell her, she will be worry again xD)

去年的今天⋯⋯

2011-08-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

不提，还真的忘了⋯⋯
去年的今天，
是我难熬的一天⋯⋯
面子书: My little world collapsed... just like that... :'(
啊，可恶的面子书又提起我的伤心往事了⋯⋯

后来，
他出现了⋯⋯
原以为他是来拯救我的，
结果我又错了⋯⋯

算了，
还是靠自己，
爱自己好了。

嗨，亲爱的。

2011-08-14T17:51:00.001-07:00

嗨，亲爱的，

你好吗？:')

Big & Small-no-dot's Outing!

2011-08-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday,

after school.

Jia Hui & I went to KLCC!

just two of us! :D

Dinner: Tom yam!! :P

(next day my tummy wasn't feeling well T_T)

After dinner,
We Rock&Roll KLCC!

Wanna see how we conquered Kinokuniya
and make it ours?

see the pictures below :D

lol...

cheese!

*booo chiak!* hahahaha!

i had this yummy halzenut cakie at Kinokuniya cafe :D
yumm yummm!

七夕情人节，不快乐。

2011-08-06T06:58:00.001-07:00

上一个七夕情人节，

留下了让我最难过的回忆，

而今年的七夕情人节，

我也不怎么好过⋯⋯

今天，

不知怎么的，

突然回忆起不该记得的人。

久违的眼泪，

就那么流了下来⋯⋯

都过去了⋯⋯

不是么⋯⋯

情人节？

我似乎不曾拥有过。

我的爱情，

似乎离我很遥远呢⋯⋯

即使爱情再次降临，

我该如何再去相信多一次？

我的每一段恋情，

在处于最甜蜜的时候，

都会如诅咒般地结束。

想象吧，

你深爱的人，

突然变脸，

变得很绝情、很陌生⋯⋯

那种心情，

难以形容⋯⋯

我痛了，

也怕了⋯⋯

-One Short Break-

2011-08-03T05:14:00.000-07:00

I'm now giving myself a short break to update dusted my blog :)

hmm...

Last Friday, when I go back, my mom and sisters seemed miss me damn much!
but dad wasn't at home, he went oversea for vacation edy,
owww.... I miss him badly :(

But then, having all ladies together was awesome.
All of us sat in front of the TV, watching Running Man, a Korean Variety Show. It was Super fun-neh!!
We couldn't stop laughing till the end! xD

Last Saturday,
I was thinking going out to meet my former form 5 classmates,
but I didn't attend the gathering.
I end up going out for a movie with a guy that I've never met before.
Around 9p.m.,
he came to my house and picked me up to Jusco Cheras Selatan for a movie.
We wanted to watch Harry Potter, but all tickets were sold ==
Only midnight movies were still available.
so we got no choice, we picked The Hangover 2.
A very lousy movie... :S
After the movie,
we went to Station One Cafe, at Sungai Long, for a drink :)
He is kinda funny and 自恋, reminds me of Jordan Hew xD
and When I got home, it was already 1a.m. oops...

Sunday morning, I really don't feel like getting off my bed...
coz i know i will miss it for 2 weeks T_T
but still, i have to wake up, coz Jordan Hew will arrive my house at 11 something.
I thought that fella can give me a ride back to PJ,
but he said he wanna go Pavilion for a movie==
fine, I take the train back to PJ then.
the stupid KTM train i took, it's air-cond wasn't functioning, so i sweated like a pig.
(some more standing and carrying two bags!)
and there was a fat Malay girl sat in front of me, she laughed at me when she saw me sweeting like hell==
After the Indian girl that sat next to her got off, I quickly sit down and I can feel the breeze when she flapped her newspaper. ahhhh~~ nice!
Ok, fat Malay girl, I forgive you! xD

Monday: nothing special. just miss my mom badly :(

Tuesday: Design Fundamental Particle class
My table manager- Eugene and Chair manger- Webber quickly set up my table and chair when I enter the class. LOL.
That fp V almost cause my right hand break, coz I was rushing the thumbnails for her== and she just chose one of out my 13 thumbnails.
and Edward that fella keep on calling me ajima (which in Korean means aunt) for the whole day=="

After class, I was thinking of go to sleep right after I took bath and had my dinner, coz i was tooooo tired. But when I heard Sarah's lappy was ready to be collected, I accompanied her to Lowyat Plaza and we did groceries shopping at Cold Storage @Times Square.

It almost 10p.m. when we got back to Asia Jaya by LRT and I was not feeling well, I need pills and my bed really bad.
We waited for the 628 bus until I almost fall asleep.
But thank goodness that the bus came before 10.30p.m.
weeeeeeeeeee! home sweet home!

Wednesday: During Basic English
we did a draw to decide which group to do the Radio Play first.
First round, our group got no.3,
but some bitches interrupted,
so our lecturer wants us to draw again.
and our group got no.1 for the second round,
thanks bitches. ==

Just because we will have Critical Thinking presentation by next Tuesday, Radio Play on next Wednesday, Maths test on Thursday and Basic English test on Friday...
small-no-dot and I are stress like hell now...
So we decided to go KLCC tomorrow after class, and spend some quality time at Kinokuniya.

oh ya, I just realized it is already week 10 and this is the first week of August >_<
we gonna have exam next month!
Great,
Let's die together!

Tangled

2011-07-28T04:07:00.000-07:00

Got this Disney Movie, Tangled from a friend.

Ever since this movie released,

I wanted to watch Tangled badly,

but I don't have the chance :(

Until now,

I finally watch it!

Awesome movie!!

love it so much! :)

It was romantic,

funny

and a bit sad

(when the King and Queen lost their princess)

Like every Disney's Princess Movies' ending,

they live happily ever after :')

The End.

awww~~

Uni Student Life (Part x)

2011-07-26T12:13:00.000-07:00

slept at 8 something, woke up at 12 in the midnight.
don't know what to do,
feel so hungry and thirsty >_<
i want cold water badly!

seeing my friends rushing for their assignment,
so i decided to join them xD (they will poke me when they see this)

accompanying Elyson is quite weird,
we talked like we are.. uhmm... a pair of noob couple,
but it's fun to 'zat' him :D

Uncle Joe texted me on fb asking how's my life going,
i reply without thinking ' i love it very much :)'
and Uncle Joe, i love you tattoo,
but RM800 for a tattoo,
it wayyyyyy tooo expensive.

almost everyone is sleeping,
and i'm still searching for pictures for my design fundamental assignment.
30 pictures leh!! T_T

cannot tahan edy, goodnight!

It's Just Repeating...

2011-07-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

When you were in love,
both of you wrote sweet & happy things on your blog.

When love started to fade,
those happy moments started to fade as well...

When there's no more
love, fairytale, prince or kisses,
you are no longer write about each other...

it was like back to reality,
back to that stupid boring world of yours again,
back to the time you are alone again....

and,
when you are in love again,
it just repeating the whole thing...

I give up loving...
it hurts, a lot.

Now I know...

2011-07-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

For some people in your life, they can only be your friends,
no, they are just meant to be your friends.
If you choose to break the rules and over-crossing the line,
you might lose him/her as your friend.

it's unfair. we all know that.

－Sue.

I once challenged it,

I crossed that boundary,

and I thought I found my true love.

But it was just mirage...

In the end,

I lose the one I love and I lose him as a friend...

Outing (Scary)

2011-07-24T02:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I went out 'yam cha' with my friend,

Frigus Zhuangism.

Haven't see him for years~

so i was kinda surprise when he ask me out :)

and his hair is longer than mine T_T

He brought me to Sungai Long Station One.

we had drinks and snacks,

and

we chat chat chat chat.

normal chat...

until....

(we were in the car, Frigus was driving... @Sungai Long road)

we talked about pontianak (malay ghost),

and

i saw one flew up to the trees at the road side >_<

it was pale white and scary...

damn it!

shouldn't have talk about it in the middle of the night!

somemore it's going to be 12 midnight :S

we were planning to go Belakong,

to watch movie,

but Frigus turned to a wrong way,

so i just let him send me home :(

.No Title.

2011-07-22T05:09:00.000-07:00

I'm

TIRED!!!!

Need Holidays badly :'(

Lonely, not,

2011-07-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

I don't feel lonely here,
coz I got a bunch of new friends here, with me.
They are fun, they are crazy and they are awesome :)
I never feel this happy before...

Ever since I moved to PJ,
I feel like I'm reborn,
and
I'm free!
I make decision my own,
I go to my friends to 'wet' whenever i like
and I have became more independent :)

Although sometimes I will be very busy,
but it's an enjoyment too :)
I enjoy doing my works^_^

I love my life.

My Thursday!

2011-07-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

I hadn't sleep well for days it is because of today.
my 'BIG' day~
actually it's just a presentation,but it was my first in UTAR :)
I was rushing for the sociology assignment,slides and the video for days and nights,
and I don't even have time to do revision on maths>_<
last night i slept at 1.35a.m. and i woke up at 6 sumthg this morning.
People were looking at me when I was wearing formal attire to campus>o<

Before I start my presentation,
I was worried a lot...
But
Thank goodness,
today's presentation was a great success,
they like my video and slides :)
and you know what?
I don't feel nervous! :D
I think i'm slowly overcoming it now~

after the presentation,
I was tired like hell,
and i felt headache,
so I didn't really revise my maths before it starts.
I think I screwed it again :(

While in the bus,
Susan asked me to go to her house to have steamboat,
and since Sarah is going too, I finally nod my head.

Sarah and I bought some snacks to Susan and Apple's place...
but when we arrived, they finished the food T_T nevermind.
and and~
Elyson and Aaron (or Adrian) are soooooo tall!!
when I stand in the middle,
I feel like they are the twin tower and I'm the bridge xD hahahaha
After that, Susan, Sarah, Joseph, a guy which i dunno his name, Aaron / Adrian and I go out yam cha.
we talked a lot and I had a lot of fun with them:)

Next time, they will be having a BBQ party~
weeeeeeee~ I'm looking forward that~

This is just the beginning...

2011-07-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

this Monday i took Socio test and i think i'm going to get very low marks for it :(
and then, this thursday, i have presentation and maths test at the same day... oh great...

it's already Tuesdays, I haven't done my Sociology slides...

and i haven't do revision on maths... sob...

plus i'm having fever right now,

get affected by small-no-dot ><"

so i don't feel like doing anything...

just wanna write my feelings here and sleep...

ahh...

got lotsa things to do ahhh~~

but this is just the beginning...

kill me... please T_T

Replacing Personnel

2011-07-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

Sociology, Chapter 5: Social Interaction and Social Structure.
Topic: Social Institutions > Functionalist View> Replacing Personnel...

Replacing personnel is replacing individual.
it's like our life... relationships we been through.

we fall in love, we break up, we met another and we fall in love again...
it was like replacing someone in your position...
fill up the empty spaces you left...

you know what?
sometimes i did think of finding someone to replace you,
anyone that approach me... anyone....
and i don't care he loves me or not...
but... i just can't do it.... i can't....

you don't know how it feels when precious memories playing in your mind,
when you are standing somewhere that is fcking memorable to you,
and you're alone that time...

I don't like A&W anymore...
it reminds me of you... A&W Jalan Bukit Bintang...
before we went to Pavilion to watch artificial snow...

geez... why am i being pathetic...

*slap my own face*

yosh! prepare for another week of challenges!

Socio test, maths test, socio assignment and presentation, I'm gonna kill you all in one week!

The Time Traveler's Wife.

2011-07-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

Clare:

"It's hard being left behind.

I wait for Henry,

not knowing where he is,

wondering if he's okay.

It's hard to be the one who stays."

Henry:

"I hate to be where she is not,

when she is not.

And yet,

I am always going,

and she cannot follow."

How does it feel?

when your love ones travel to places that you can't follow.

How does it feel?

when you travel to future,

your love ones is no longer there,

waiting for you with clothes...

"I love you, always. Time is nothing"

The Time Traveler's Wife,

The Best Fiction EVER!

P.S. I love you, sam. Always, and time is nothing.

The Owl Girl ♥

2011-07-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm a weird girl,

who L.O.V.E.S owl badly.

ever since I fall for an owl-like guy.

♥

as wise as an owl,

seem wise in all kinds,

but not in a relationship.

♥

that's how I describe him :')

These are my collections :)

there's another owl necklace at my PJ house.

So it should be 5 of them.

... xoxo...

I saw my owl yesterday,

at my alma mater.

it's Parents Day.

Again,

we just passed by each other without saying hi,

nor any eye contacts.

♥

BITTER.

SWEET.

♥

that's how I felt.

This might be the last time I see him.

Sam,

Sorry.

If I'm the cause,

who made you screwed up your mid-year test,

and caused you get screwed by your parents,

you can blame it on me.

and,

don't worry.

for the sake of your future,

I won't appear in front of you,

till you are ready to accept me as a friend again.

Your life will continue as smooth as you wish.

and

so do mine.

Now,

I'm living the life you always wanted.

and

I guess I understand why you want it badly.

Yea,

you're right.

Uni life is fun.

and

It's not that bad.

and

letting you go,

is the best decision I've ever made.

If not,

I probably still like a kid,

keep on rely on you

can't handle things myself,

and always cry like a baby.

_xoxo_

Fill in the blank.

I _♥_ you.

.ADD.

ZhiLin smiled and said hi to me,

when we met at school :)

I was happy, for quite awhile.

I thought he hates me T_T

2.
I said hi to my 3rd ex-bf,
Bing Hau.
He looks great :)
saw two of my ex-bfs same day,
same place.
bravo, suewayne >_<

Busy, But Fun Life :)

2011-07-08T17:49:00.000-07:00

2 assignments for Critical Thinking,

1Sociology Assignment and Presentation,

Radio Play for Basic English Assessment,

Color Pixel of Chace Crawford for Art Practical

... ...

wow... kill me!

this whole week has been a busy week for me,

but Thursday night,

I went to small no dot's place 'wet' (stay over & have fun)

hahahas

we were actually giving Pei Yee an early birthday celebration:)

Small-no-dot & Me did that for Pei Yee :D

Happy Birthday! Baby!

xxx xxx xxx

Today is Saturday!

.Yu Hua Parents Day.

and I left my assignments at home,

at here feeding mosquitoes =_=

-Okay, Continue Later- :D

now off to 《食话食说》推介礼 :D

一起加油喔！Turtle:)

2011-07-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

这是我们四人帮完整的合照喔～

turtle离校前几天，

在麦当当拍的。

去麦当当的前一晚，

我还在turtle家过夜呢！

但，是最后一次了:(

我是因为家慧，

而认识了turtle。

她叫杨咏恩喔～

自从认识她，

我们⋯⋯

一起去上课，

一起回家去，

一起外出疯，

一起做功课，

一起去吃饭，

一起上厕所，

一起玩自拍，

一起买豆浆，

一起买炸香蕉⋯

以往，

一上巴士就会看到她⋯⋯

今早一上巴士，

只看到小不点一个，

心里很难过⋯⋯

到了学校，

小不点肚子饿了，

平时都是turtle陪她吃，

turtle不在了，

她也没心情吃。

上课时，

多一个空位子，

也很难过⋯⋯

想到以后在学校的日子没有turtle,

又没得去turtle 的房'wet',

以后的星期五去麦当当少了一个，

我更更更难过:'(

下课时，

看到turtle心情很好地走过来，

觉得只要她快乐就好，

我们都会祝福她。

当要分别时，

我们都给她大大的拥抱，

家慧抱抱了后，

竟然哭了，

而我呆呆地叫她不哭，

其实自己也想哭了⋯⋯

好舍不得你喔⋯⋯

turtle:(

要幸福快乐喔！

还有，

不要忘了我们>_<

Just smile,baby :)

2011-07-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

and I will be here waiting.

Last night's drum performance was splendid!

it worth a million to watch:)

well done, McQueen and her teammate!

Rui, Yih and Jeen were with me last night,

it was nice to be with them~

they even made a card to support McQ :D

SWEET!

After this drum performance,

I don't know when I can see them again:(

awww....

i'm gonna miss them freaking bad><

and yeah,

I saw him,

a few times.

I was ready,

and

I wanted to smile,

and

say 'hi'...

but he pretended he can't see me

and

walked pass me...

well,

nevermind.

it'll just make me feel excited,

and challenging.

Smile, baby.

No matter how people treat you,

just smile:')

He can't understand

how you feel,

how much you love him, miss him...

Even though he acts like he knows many things,

he acts like a gentleman,

he still can't change the fact that he don't know about girls.

and the saddest thing of all is,

in a broken relationship,

you will lose the man you love,

and

you will lose him as a friend too...

nevermind baby,

be tough.

SMILE.

if he's yours,

he won't run away.

if he's not,

he'll never be yours.

Jump High and Shine!

2011-07-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks to small-no-dot's dad,

I arrived my hometown safe.

I was standing in front of a shop,

waiting for mom to fetch me home.

and opposite there,

is my alma mater...

You won't believe that,

few days ago,

a tragedy happened,

in this peaceful looking place.

A young dead body,

lied on the ground,

where I used to pass by.

people who witnessed cried in fear,

teachers,

tried to calmed themselves & take over the situation,

and then,

police, reporters, forensic, the young boy's parents...

Now,

from the cover look,

the school back to normal.

but deep into the skin,

there's a scar there.

At night,

I went to school to get my sista,

who having activity till very late.

When I was at the lobby,

wondering I should enter the hall to get her,

she came out,

and said,

"Two of your ex-bfs are in the hall,

and you might see them tomorrow night."

Frankly, I'm not surprise.

and I'm ready.

I saw this on Facebook,

They said,

women who have

beauty,

stunning body,

money,

fame,

and

intelligent,

aren't as proud as

the women who are deeply loved by their man.

True,

I agree.

Even though Imma single lady,

I don't feel sad,

coz I've tasted the taste of proud before,

before every break ups.

so,

it's absolutely fine

for me to proud of good friends I have now :)

Tragedies can have my tears,

Heart broken relationships can have my tears,

But failures can't have it.

I will never give up.

I will jump high and shine!

那一刻的陨落

2011-06-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

上课时，手机突然震动。

“您有一条新信息”

来信者是中六的好友，

但最近鲜少联络。

“育华有人跳楼死了”

短短八个字，

让我的心揪了起来。

后来听到很多个版本，

其中最广泛流传的是，

死者被诬蔑非礼一个女生，

因想不开而选择轻生。

后来妹妹说那被非礼的女生，

是她要好的朋友。

当我问妹妹，

她的朋友是否真的有被非礼，

出现矛盾的答案。

她说若她的朋友不是被真的被非礼，

她干吗去告发那男生。

然后妹妹又说纪律老师在死者的遗体旁痛苦，

看似狠内疚、自责⋯⋯

不管哪一个是对，

哪一个是错的，

人都已往生了。

妹妹的朋友现在应该很痛苦吧⋯⋯

我们的学校，

也因此变了“名”校，

但讽刺的是，

在那里念了7年书，

我才知道我们的学校是“名”校耶⋯⋯

这种“出名”的方式，

说真的，

我一点也不稀罕。

朋友的表姐是某个报社的记者，

她礼貌地访问我，

但我确实不认识死者，

所以她也没问到些什么。

抱歉。

放学到报摊买晚报时，

每一份中文报的头条都是育华⋯⋯

只是内容有些不一样。

不过，

几乎每一份的标题都写死者有性骚扰女生，

我觉得很不应该。

报社的人，

死者的父母与家人⋯⋯

你们有替他们着想吗？

不管事情是否真的如此，

外人也会对他们有异样的眼光，

让他们感到难堪。

就这样，

一个生命陨落了⋯⋯

十八岁，

是最美好的一年，

结束了，

没了⋯⋯

⋯⋯惋惜⋯⋯

安息吧，

倪学弟。

Night Outing With Uncle Joe :)

2011-06-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I went out with my dear uncle Joe to Pavilion :)

While waiting for his friends to arrive,

we had dinner at Weissbrau German Bistro and Bar ^^

of coz, it's a treat from uncle Joe :D

hmm~

Uncle Joe: order wadeva you like.

Me: can I order a bottle of champagne?

Uncle Joe: sure, but how much for a bottle?

Me: RM200++

Uncle Joe: you can have a glass.

Me: just kidding, a strawberry smoothie is just fine :D

yummy yummy~ pork sausages

Uncle Joe order 3 kinds of German Beers :)

I'm tasting the first one~

not bad! :D

i love it!

and then,

I tasted the second and third beer,

nice, but i still prefer the first one~

When Uncle Joe finished the third glass of beer,

the waiter ask whether he would like to have another glass,

Uncle Joe: Can't, coz later I have to take this beautiful lady home (pointing at me) xD

lol!

After I finished my meal,

Uncle Joe ask for the bill

and

it's RM156 for 3 beers, one smoothie and a sausage + salad meal

should i say it's consider cheap? O.O

Uncle Joe's friends were there waiting at Starbucks when we reached there,

just next shop, not far from Weissbrau.

after I greeted Uncle Thomas,

I went shopping alone~

I wanted to watch Justin Gay Bieber's girl,

too bad, Monte Carlo release on 30 of June :(

So I went to Times to buy some books there.

I wanted to buy sticky candies,

but when I went down,

it's already 9 something,

so Sticky is closed T_T

sob...

Since most of the shops are closed,

I have no choice but go to Starbucks:(

I met another friend of Uncle Joe's,

Adren is his name.

He's with his Nikon dslr,

i wanted to hold it and play,

but better not act like a pro in front of a real pro xD

Uncle Thomas and Joe are busy talking,

Uncle Adren is reading his book,

I busy sucking my Chocolate Cream Chip

yummy :)

and then, there's a pair of stupid couple sitting behind me.

that girl friend keep on scolding her boyfriend

and call him stupid when he can't pronounce Grande and Venti well ==

If I were that guy,

i will pour drinks on her and leave.

We leave Pavilion at 11p.m.

and

straight away to Cheras branch McD to buy some food for my cousin and sista :D

When I reach home,

it's already 12a.m. ><

thank goodness dad didn't scold me for being late to home :)

See, sam, I'm having life you always wanted to have.

I will enjoy it with pleasure :)

久违

2011-06-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

今天一放学就搭上小不点的顺风车回家。
由于妈咪傍晚六点要到补习中心载小妹,
所以我让小不点的父母放我在我亲爱的母校那里。

在母校围栏外的走廊一边走着，一边回忆⋯⋯
好想念我的中学生涯啊⋯⋯

当我快走到学校正门口时，一个熟悉的背影从校园走出来。
天啊⋯⋯不是那么巧吧？
我匆匆地过马路，不时偷偷地往他那里望⋯⋯结果⋯⋯
天煞的！他与朋友也在过马路，而我们的距离才相差5－6辆轿车！
而且我还背着他的包包，感觉怪怪的>_<
越过了马路，到了学校对面的店铺，我躲在一旁，像傻婆一样。
后来才想到自己必须跑文具店一趟，却看到他与朋友就在文具店附近那里聚集聊天T_T
好不容易说服自己放轻松，装着没事般地往他们那里前进⋯⋯
就在这时候，妈咪的车就在我后面＝＝妹妹凶巴巴地叫我上车
我只好打消去文具店的念头，跳上车了⋯⋯

当车经过他们的身旁时，我看到他笑着与朋友交谈⋯⋯
虽然会感到少许的心酸，
但至少跟朋友在一起，看到他开心⋯⋯
我也放心吧⋯⋯

这个男生，
没什么特别⋯⋯
人一个，
会吃、喝、拉、屎，也会发脾气⋯⋯

为什么死心塌地爱他？
因为⋯⋯他值得。
他在我对感情绝望和受伤时，
把我拉回来⋯⋯
他给我很多很多爱，
他教会我很多东西，
他无时无刻支持我⋯⋯
因为他，
我才能像这样独立。
因为他，
我学会很多东西。
他是我的爱人，我的老师，我的灵魂伴侣⋯⋯

这个男生，
虽然最后还是离开我了，
我仍然觉得他是值得去爱的⋯⋯

Grow Up

2011-06-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

-We all want to grow up. We're desperate to get there, to grab all the opportunities we can... to live. We're so busy trying to get out of that nest... We don't think about the fact that it's going to be cold out there... really freakin' cold. Because growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. And by the time we stand on our own two feet... we're standing there alone.- Grey's Anatomy

That is WHY i love Grey's Anatomy so much!
Sometimes, the lines are not just hilarious, they're meaningful though.

I heart my friends!

2011-06-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

It's okay that I'm not your princess anymore,

coz I have a bunch of friends here.

They love me and support me...

and

There's one thing you should know,

they are not here to replace you,

coz no one is replaceable...

they are special.

16.06.2011
Title: Girls Outing!
Where? Times Square!
With? (Small-no-dot) Jia Hui, Turtle Ern, Yu Xuan, Heather and Roxanne
When? Thursday, after school~

Had a great day with the girls~ we shopped, we laughed, we snapped pictures, we did silly things and we were tired till like shit xD
i bought two fancy rings, one of them is an owl (i love owl, now and always), a grey jacket, nail sticker and a pair of Fabiano Ricco shoes~
when we arrived Asia Jaya LRT station,it was very late and my girls will feel worried if i go back alone.
so i stayed at Turtle's room for one night :) (thank goodness I brought one small bottle of Listerine with me :D)
i helped turtle to deco her nails, we read books together, we laughed and we chat till very late (till 1.21a.m. :)
and Elyson, I got bath leh!

17.06.2011
It's friday again~!
woke up early coz i have to go back to my house to take a refreshing bath and pack my stuff (coz today I'm going back to Kajang).
Roxanne, Jia Hui and Turtle accompanied me and we took Rapid KL to my house :)
after done packing, we took Rapid KL again to McDonald to have brunch~
when it's almost time for us to go to school, we took a cab and the driver was so friendly :D
we chat with him with different kind of language, Chinese, Hokkien, Cantonese and Hak ka.
When we were in the class waiting, a lady informed us that Basic English tutorial class was canceled, and we all cheered! ^^
Lecture class for Basic English was just about listening tests, and next week we're going to start Speaking :( i'm still not ready for that
During Sociology class, Elyson was just in front of me. When he called my name, he sounded like a ghost :S that uncle... lol!
after class, Jia Hui, Turtle and I straight away take UTAR bus to LRT station.
When we reached KL Sentral, we missed 2 trains :( and we met Sherene there~ she was going to Mid Valley
the 3rd time,Jia Hui and I finally got into the train, but turtle failed... we were so worried about her :(
We reached Kajang around 7 something and Jordan was late, again, 10-15 mins,nevermind.
I thought we were going Jaylim's house again, but I was wrong><
we went to Sg. Long KFC to have late dinner while waiting for my baby brother Jia Jeen to arrive.
Jeen complained that i was late than expected,coz he got tuition class at 8.30p.m.T_T so we just talked for awhile.
Jeen was wearing the black crystal ring i bought for him eh^^
before Jeen leave, he kept on pat my head~ lol~ like big brother and sista xD
after we done eating, Jordan brought me to Ranger Restaurant a.k.a Open Range to me some old friends.
Shaun, Wayne, Eugene were there playing cards when we, Jordan, Rein Tat Leong and I entered the restaurant.
we talked about old times, how wayne bullied me when we were in primary school, what we did in secondary school, what awe used to do when we were in school... etc....
I wanted to take pictures, but my stupid camera... sigh... how disappointed...
Derran Liew and Jun Wai arrived late.
When I stand beside Derran,he was soooooooo tall!!! my head just reached under his armpit! walao-eh!
Around 11.40p.m.,we say goodbye to each other.
Jordan wait the rest to leave first, then he speed and chase after them==
We cut Wayne's CRV and Jordan speed till 160km/hr, you can imagine how fast it is :S
i would like to try 180km/hr, but i was worried about Jordan's car tyres.
i was playing with fire, coz i didn't stop Jordan speeding and text msg at the same time without looking the road.
maybe I don't care about live and dead anymore.
reached home at 12a.m. and surprisingly, dad didn't scold me.

18.06.2011
ah.... Saturday.
I met Vivian, Wan Yean, Y.S and Y.S baby brother at Hailam Kopitiam.
Y.S baby brother's left hand was broken,lol~
we just chat chat chat and yam cha~
i love vivian's spect, quite vintage :)
around 2p.m., I met Jin Yee at Metro Kajang.
and we chat,again... and shop around~ hahahaha...
after that, we say goodbye, I went home... and then, end of the day...
Saturday was boring, but i quite enjoy spending time with my friends :D

现实。梦

2011-06-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

昨晚又梦见你了⋯⋯
冷漠的脸，没温度的浅笑，陌生的眼神⋯⋯
再也不是我认识的你了⋯⋯
太陌生，太可怕了⋯⋯
我尝试呼唤你的名字，
但你慢慢地退却⋯⋯
直到你消失在黑暗中⋯⋯

梦毕，惊醒。
又回到现实。

我掩着脸，
忍着泪从眼眶流下⋯⋯
现实，与梦，
太残酷了⋯⋯
我到底犯了什么错⋯⋯
为什么必须独自承受这些痛⋯⋯
为什么老是把我从幸福的顶端推下去⋯⋯
好不甘心⋯⋯
为什么⋯⋯

bad tummy!

2011-06-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

This morning when I was about to go out to the bus stop,my tummy pain pain, but I ignore the pain.
At the bus stop there, Sarah and I, were waiting for the bus for almost 30mins, yet it haven't arrive! arghh!
and then my tummy got even pain,till I can't stand it anymore... so I told Sarah I have to go back...

In the end,I skipped Critical Thinking lecture class, my first time eva in UTAR.
I felt so guilty and was going to cry... but I didn't.
After I took medicine, I open Mac Alex and study Critical Thinking online.
a stupid stomachache can't stop me from that! humph!

我们曾经那么疯狂⋯⋯

2011-06-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

因为爱情，

我们都很快乐。

因为相爱，

所以，有时候我们不需要交谈，

也能知道彼此的心。

因为很爱你，

所以天天都希望能与你在一起。

聆听你的心跳，

轻拂你的脸⋯⋯

因为疯狂地相爱过，

所以⋯⋯

我们曾经许下承诺，

要永远牵着彼此的手走下去。

然而，遗憾的事，总是会在现实中发生⋯⋯

但是，

我们都不后悔，

对吧？

因为⋯⋯

我们曾那么疯狂爱过。

爱の遗憾

2011-06-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

如果说⋯⋯

人生中的遗憾，

是无法与你一起变老⋯⋯

那么⋯⋯

我最大的遗憾是⋯⋯

在你离开这世界时，

来不及告诉你，

我依然还爱着你⋯⋯

I Lost My Heart

2011-06-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

I'm an angel that born without wings...

When you were in your sad little world,

God sent me to you.

The moment we met,
the first sight,
the first smile that appeared on your lips,
it was magical...
I falled for you...

I gave you

love,

happiness,

sunshine,

and

everything I have...

to make you the luckiest,

and happiest guy in the world.

But in the end,

you gone with my heart,

without saying goodbye...

Saturday night,again.

2011-06-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

I might seem like I'm not flying alone,

actually it's not. I AM... ALONE.

It's Saturday night again, and the next day I have to go back to PJ, continue with my Uni life that is full of challenges><

Oh i used to enjoy Saturday night, but now I don't. Coz i find it hard to leave my lovely home, and go back to a house which i will never call it 'home'.

and at the same time, friends that are having school holidays now are having School-reopen phobia,coz most of them have to wake up early xD

Let's fight together, shall we?

Friends Forever!

2011-06-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

When you feel lonely or unhappy... go out with your friends! that is the best thing eva!
you guys can talk and talk, say vulgar words, have alcohol, speed on the road, and some crazy things, to forget things that makes you unhappy.

Before this, i decided not to come back to my hometown... but since Jordan is free to come out and he's going off to Switzerland soon... plus, i need someone to hang out with, so i came back right after school.
Jordan fetch me at Kajang train station, but he was late,for almost 30mins==
when i got into Jord's car, we went to Peng's house.
you know what? Baby Braydon is already 6 months old! and he is soooooooooo adorable!
and I finally get the chance to talk to Peng's hubby. Well,he is a friendly guy, that's all i can say.
when it's around 10 something, my stomach was growling... I was so hungry T_T
So Jordan, Jaylim and I went to a food court in Kajang town, that is nearby Metro Point, to have supper.

Jaylim, you memang pandai choosing seats.

Jaylim's face toooooo dark edy xD

Hong Kong dim sum~ my supper!

jordan seemed hungry!

gottcha! hiak hiak hiak!

it was fun, sitting together, blow water, gossip, chit-chat this and that... yea,it's really enjoyable.

Before they send me home, Jordan suggested we go yam cha at Old Town... too bad I can't coz it's very late edy, plus my parents were waiting... so they have to send me back first :(

I bet they are at Old Town now, enjoying their coffee :'(

anyway, thanks guys,especially jordan hew :) I really had a wonderful night!

First Outing With UTAR Friends

2011-06-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday me and my UTAR friends hung out together, to KLCC after school :D

we took LRT train from Asia Jaya to KLCC,

and there, I met new friends~Boey (Xuan's course mate) and Pei Yee (Jia Hui's roommate).

this is Jia Hui, although we just know each other for days,

we edy like besties :D

heh! Boon ask me not to get too close to his girl :'(

This is Turtle Eng! :D my bestie too!

jia hui and xuan act cool xD

Jia Hui & turtle

Jia Hui & my new friend, Boey~

Turtle+Boey!

The bear is taller than Jia Hui xD

Heather seem so bored xD

while waiting Boey and Pei Yee,

i camwhore outside the shop =P

After that, we shopped here and there, and we finally made a decision to have dinner at Pizza Hut.

At the same time, table next to us was celebrating birthday and they gave us two slices of S.R cake :D

While having dinner together, i started not feeling well... it's migraine again, during this fun moment. arghh....

everyone seemed worried, and i felt guilty of spoiling their mood :(

so i went to Pharmacy to get pills and went to the toilet too, to force myself vomit T_T

when i back to them, i didn't finish my dinner... what a waste.

We went to Kinokuniya after that, i bought a cutting map, art gum and a paper knife. Then Jia Hui, Turtle, Heather and I were sitting at a side like noobs while waiting the rest. hahaha.

hmm.... Kinokuniya, a place full of memories... it's like a personal library to me. I used to go round and round in Kinokuniya alone when i was small, until it's lunch time or dinner time, i will go down stairs to my uncle's work place to have meals, then i went up again.

After a few years later, i came with my loved ones, which is my ex now. Both of us like to read, and Kinokuniya is the best place to be in there, read quietly for the whole day,but we never tired that before.

And now, i came with my new friends...

Hi, Kinokuniya, we meet again :)

Around 7p.m., we say goodbye to KLCC and go back to PJ.

When I reached home, it was 9something and my mom called. We chit-chated and she sounds like she miss me very much :) too bad i'm not going back this week :(

Well,it was a fun day hanging out with my new friends! I'm looking forward on another outings :D

oh ya, this is the designer T i bought from UNIQLO! ^^

Best Wedding Proposal Ever & Last Blog Post About YOU

2011-06-09T17:45:00.002-07:00

This will never happen to me.

saw this on facebook this morning.

when that guy appeared and walked slowly to the one he loves,

i cried,with that lucky woman together.

she cried with tears of joy, and I cried with tears of bitterness.

My loved one, once told me, in future, he will propose me until i nod my head and say yes.

So i imagined kinds of wedding proposal he will do for me... everything that i can imagine...

but in the end, everything changed... yar... there won't be wedding proposal happen to me.

JY asked me, if I get the chance to go back before it starts, and choose again... what will I do.

I told her, you know my answer, and it's not going to change. I don't feel regret. If I can choose again, I will still say yes.

Then JY said, you should be happy if you think you made a right choice. And at least you two had a wonderful time before.

Yes, I agree. I should be happy about it... loving you,it still the best thing eva happened in my life. At least I know, someone loved me before, dearly.

......

2011-06-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

when I had the hardest time, my dear friend passed away, you told me you are tired.
okay, never mind, i want you to be happy and i wish that you can concentrate on you study and able to enter the college/ uni you always wanted to go.
So, I let go.
You asked, still friends?...okay, let's be friends.
but the way we talk, it doesn't sound like we are friends...
you ask about my feeling and when i tell you the truth,
but you still act like a jerk... WTF?
what did i do? I didn't keep on mentioning what we used to do last time or keep on telling you that i still love you or... etc, like i did to my previous bf. I didn't do that.
you know? it's sad enough when we are unable to be together... but the saddest part is we have to be like this.
you say you will help me erase my feeling. WTH again!
who you think you are? can't you respect me?
this is my feeling! you can't decide it for me!
have you ever think of how i feel? NO! you didn't!
did you ask? did you try putting yourself in other's shoes? Did you?
you once wished upon the stars and said no matter what happens, you hope that i will be happy forever.
awww.... that's funny!
DO I LOOK HAPPY NOW? NO! I'M NOT.
WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE THINKING RIGHT NOW?
why you rather choose to be a jerk? No one ask you to do that!
and no one feel happy to see you being a jerk!
tsk... tsk... I find it really hard to understand you guys!
now you block me from viewing your blog and facebook. Whatever.
Do as you like, if that makes you feel better.
For me, it's nothing. I JUST DON'T WANNA LOSE ANOTHER FRIEND.
Each year i lose at least one friend of mine, this year, no. I'm not going to lose anyone.

Because You Loved Me

2011-06-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

It's for you, my dear one.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

THANK YOU,AND BYE BYE!

Why I Love JinYee

2011-06-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

I asked Jin Yee, one of my besties, for her comment, after she read < Who Am I>.

She felt that i wrote that to get someone's attention, to let him know that I'm quite different now... and yes, I admit. 40% of it.

Another 60% is the result I learnt from Critical Thinking... I digested Jin Yee's words of wisdom and what he said before, for the whole night...

why i wrote ? it's because, I'm having a new life here, a new personality that people here don't know... like what Mr Akmal, my sociology lecturer said, "when you're in a completely new place, people don't know you. So forget about the past and start a new you. If you were a coward, stop being one anymore." I agree.

SO,

A NEW ME,

NEW LIFE.

NEW FRIENDS,

sounds good to me :)

Who am I?

What I can achieve?

I would like to know.

this is going to be challenging and fun :)

oh ya,
why I love Jin Yee the most?
coz she knows me the best.
She can easily point out problems I'm having,
and she always give me the best opinion/solution! :)
but i have to learn not over rely on her xD
xoxo! JY!

Who Am I?

2011-06-04T18:39:00.000-07:00

Q:Who am I?
A: Suewayne Leong. Just a simple girl, that laugh when she's happy, cry when she feels like.

Q:Who is... Suewayne?
A: Suewayne is just a normal human being that been taught in a very 'Chinese' way for almost 20 years... she is a romantic and artistic person, she can love someone till death...and she can do things without any reasons but following her feelings... she likes to cheer people around her, be nice to them, it's not because of hoping people will like her more,it's because she likes to see happy faces... Suewayne is a person that rather let herself get hurt than anybody else... From her wishful thinking, Suewayne might be seem naive to you, but she's not. Coz Wishful thinking is believing something because it makes one feel good, not because there is good reason for thinking that it is true. So if you think that Suewayne is naive, childish... maybe you don't know her well. When Suewayne change her thinking and personality, it's only when she thinks it's necessary, it's for her own good, and not simply because of someone else... Suewayne can be easily trust someone, not because she's naive, it's because she hope that person can feel that him/herself can be trusted by others. Suewayne can be a dreamy person and a realistic person at the same time,but she often hide her realistic side, coz reality is cruel enough to kill hope, so why be over realistic? Even Suewayne has her own problem, but she likes to help people, not because she wants to know this and that, it's because she wants to make people smile again. Suewayne can't stop loving, but she doesn't believe forever love. Suewayne is not a god, so when she need someone to talk with, it can be no reason of why and when she is sad, she just need someone to listen to her, talk to her.Don't think that she's weak, she's not, she's just a sharing type of person, and friends, are what she needs. Don't ask why she pick you to talk with, not anybody else. 'Coz you know why she approach to you first. If you don't know, how sad it is. (coz she trusted you... she knows she can get a different point of view from you.. you know her better, even it's true that she knows herself better than others, but when she's lost, she just desperately need someone to guide her, to tell her what is wrong, before things turn even worse... that's the purpose of having friends.) Sometimes Suewayne doesn't give a damn on something, doesn't mean she don't care, it's just that why bother something that makes you unhappy. When Suewayne doesn't feel like saying hi to you, or talk to you, it's not that she doesn't dare to face you or what, it's because she wants you to ask why and make you feel like you want to explore her in and out. Suewayne can never be an evil person, coz' she's too stupid to be bad. Even she tells you that she will do bad things on you, she is lying, coz in the end you will see her licking her scars quietly and still fake a smile when she sees you.

Q: What does Suewayne likes?
A: She started to love Uni life and staying outside, coz she has a new personality there,and a bunch of new friends there. She likes Critical Thinking and Sociology class the most coz that makes her think better and grow up :)

Q: Does Suewayne love herself?
A: Yes, and dearly :)

P.S. Maybe I missed something, or maybe I haven't discover the true me... But, whatever it is,I just wanted to say, this is me, this is Suewayne Leong that you might don't know :)

Turning To A New Page. 1

2011-06-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

When someone you loved... so much,
no longer using the nickname you gave him,
he deleted all the photos that related you to him,
and
he changed his profile picture back to his old one,
no longer using the picture you snapped when two of you went out for a date...

and all you feel is.... "hmm... how sad it is. nah, nevermind, let it be :)"

Then, people around you should come and congratulate you, coz you're ready to move on.

Taylor Swift - Back To December

2011-06-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

"Back To December"

I'm so glad you made time to see me. How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while. You've been good, busier than ever, We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'. When your birthday passed and I didn't call. And I think about summer, all the beautiful times, I watched you laughing from the passenger side. Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand .

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time.

I just love this song so much :)

一个人的成长日记

2011-05-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

上星期三我skip了orientation，溜回去加影。

一开始搭Rapid KL 时，傻傻的，不知道他们已不接受现钱，只接受 Transit Card。

我眼巴巴地望着司机求救。

司机无奈地问我要RM5还是RM10的卡，

我直接把RM10递给他，

他熟练得在一个小machine按一下，然后它吐出一张很可爱的卡^^

叫兔子卡喔～

从SS17到Asia Jaya LRT Station 挺远的，不过巴士上有电视看所以不闷～

走啊走～

到了Asia Jaya LRT Station 后，我用兔子卡＊tut*一下，该仪器自动扣去卡钱。

接着我拿着兔子卡直冲到KL Sentral，然后在Mid Valley 那一站下车～嘿！

我第一次一个人逛喔～

我先跑去MPH找一找开学时需要用到的参考书，

结果店员告诉我，我要的其中一本书不见了，她们怀疑被偷了。＝＝

结果什么书也没买，只买了一本自我提升的书，

以增强我的自信！呵！

挺有用的耶！

买了书后，我往 Centre Court 去欣赏海盗船。

他们弄得真棒！

好大的船喔！

到底怎样造的呀？

连礁石也弄得很逼真！

好想跳上去，跟Captain Jack Sparrow 离开马来西亚，到各地去冒险～

我要那个望眼镜！很酷！

如果是真的，

那该多好啊～

那个带着吓人的面具的家伙派海盗帽给我喔～

虽然是纸制的，

但也不错喔！

后面那个女生扮演着美人鱼，

他们公开给大家跟他们一起合照～

我也想过去跟他们拍照，

但谁帮我拍呢？ T_T

到了午餐时间，

因为太想念士林的手工面线，

所以跑去吃了～哈！

Handmade Oyster MiSua

面线和我最爱的豆奶饮品，

绝配！

很大的蚝喔～

超新鲜的！

喂饱肚子后，我便赶回家去了。

到了加影电车站，我坚持不要妈咪来载我，

我自己走到市中心去搭巴士回家。

因为我长大了啊！

嘻嘻～

回到家的感觉真好！

可以享用妈咪煮的菜，

可以舒舒服服地躺在自己的床上，

又有电视看～

真不想回去了～哈

在家的日子一天一天地过，

也过得挺快的。

直到星期日，

我得回去PJ了 :(

但前一天我生病了⋯⋯

喉咙发炎，引起发烧，

接着又伤风咳嗽的⋯⋯

好痛苦啊～！

但我还是得回去啊⋯⋯

在外得自己照顾自己了。

明天开学啦～

虽然还不清楚该带些什么，

明天又得一个认搭车去学校，

但我会没问题的啦～^^

Lost

2011-05-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start trimester by next monday! and I still don't know what i should prepare><

books? calculator?

and when I look at my timetable and things i'm gonna study in one year foundation,

i was like... "Shit lo.... I dun wanna die." So i must work very hard, like visit the library everyday?

and, there's a lot of things that I must find it myself and do it myself.

it was like forcing me to grow up in one night, from mommy & daddy's girl to an adult, from dependent to independent. Yu Hua and UTAR, big difference! really.

So, it's hard... very hard for me. It's like, I'm not being myself anymore, I have to force myself growing up now, alone.

tomorrow, i'll be going back to my hometown, my home sweet home. Rest and relax for a few days before I start facing new challenges start from next Monday.

Yosh! gambateh! Fight oh Fight oh!!!

放手的原因

2011-05-23T03:31:00.000-07:00

每次都在电台听到，却不知道歌的名字，如今找到了。

我，就是因为听了这首歌后，才决定放手让你自由⋯⋯

它的歌词挺有意思的。

Day 1 & Day 2 at PJ

2011-05-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

Day 1:
After I packed my stuff and move them into my dad's car, we went to Kepong to fetch my roommate and help her moving her stuff. Before we reach her condo,we were lost in Kepong,we went round and round with the help of stupid Gamin (GPS) T_T When we reached there,it's quite late edy, so we straight away go to PJ.
I don't remember what time we reach PJ house, all i know is when everything is out from the car and everything is settled, mom and dad went back to Kajang :(
After that, it was raining whole night. Me and Sarah (my roommate) had no choice,so we went out with our umbrella to hunt for food (dinner) at 7p.m. >< we had our dinner at a small foodcourt nearby our house. Aww... I miss mom's cooking,really :'(
After we finished, we went to buy some food and then we walked back to our house. When we're home, Sarah started playing with her laptop and the room was so quiet... because I haven't get a broadband for myself, so I was so damn bored! I started to miss sam... my family, my friends, my home and my bed.... Sam told me that I can be tough and independent, I know I can, but I just can't stop my tears. Not now,sam... I really miss them....
After that, sam stop replying me, then i felt so down about it :( but thankfully, my baby brother, my mom ,my sista and my friend texted me... so I didn't get over depressed.

Day 2
mom and dad came to PJ today ^^ we went to Kepong to help Sarah move her things again. Wow,she really got lotsa stuff! Once again, our car is full loaded. So we got no choice but turned back to PJ house to move all the things down first before we go out shopping. When we're done, I wish to go out with my parents, just 3 of us, but Sarah wanted to follow, so we let her follow. We went to Mid Valley today ( I wanted to go Ikano Power Centre but dad insisted going Mid Valley).
It's kinda awkward when you go out with your parents and a friend you that you know not much about her is following. Coz the way we shop around, is kinda different. Don't know la, maybe this is the first time.
When we were in The Garden, we had lunch at ShiLin. ShiLin's Handmade Oyster MiShua very nice!! i love it so much! feel like wanna have it again! After lunch, we went to Maxis centre to get a Broadband^^ thanks dad!
Then we went to Mid Valley and they are having Pirates of the Caribbean at the centre hall ;) cool decos! I'm totally amazed!
Because of I need a pair of shoes, mom and dad followed me go here and there to pick the right shoes. We wen to Jusco, Nose, (Vincci is not available for the moment), Bata, Voir and finally, i bought a pair of beige color heels at Sachs Lederwaren>< Thanks to dad again for the heels :)
When we're done shopping (actually I'm not done yet), we realized it is so late edy, so mom and dad have to send us back to PJ...
The moment we reach my PJ house, I know it's time for me to say goodbye to them and we won't be seeing each other for 2 weeks... Mom and Dad, I miss you :(

A Whole New Life,Starts Today.

2011-05-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

Last night, when I was packing my stuff, I looked at the bag, the T-shirts and the ring he gave to me... I wanted leave them here, in my room. But i didn't do that. I put them into my luggage. I know this will reminds me of him all the time, but I'll take it as a support from a friend.

Now, I'm in front of my computer, writing blog. After a few more hours, I will be leaving this house to a completely new place, starts a new life with new people. And I will leave all those memories here, in my room.

So,here I come, my whole new life :)

(Sam, you know what, last thursday, i was in Bookworm, sitting at side of the window, hoping that I can see you walk by, at least one last time... But I didn't see you... And when I passed by the shop lots behind, it reminds me of you... and you know what? the last french kiss we did, is the longest kiss we did so far. At there, we kissed, we hugged so tightly and I cried in your chest asking you not to leave me....... That's the last thing we do before break up, sad, but memorable. )

P.S I love you, always.

记忆

2011-05-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

有人说: 我觉记忆换成的是人生经验,不可以因为痛苦就要删除,人生应该是要有苦有乐,才算的了是人生。
这句话,我赞成。有时侯，就是因为记忆，让你成长，让你不再犯同样的错误。
但是，如果因为记忆，让你感到痛苦，那就把它丢弃吧。

I Know, Okay? It's Over. I Know.

2011-05-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

Hey, I know how you feel, Okay?
Relax! I didn't ask anything from you and I'm not going to.
You don't have to think of anything,
You just live the life you want, and I live mine, you don't have to think of me, or worry, or anything.
You can forget those stupid memories if that will makes you feel better, after all it's now a past.
Now, what you need to do is, focus on what you should do and what you want to do, and so do I.
Yes,it's easier said than done... what to do? Give it a try la.
sigh... I just don't wanna see you like that... unhappy. That's not Samson I know...

If it's because of me...erase me from your life, forget about Suewayne Leong, take this person never exist.

I'm okay, even I know I'm a very bad liar.

But seeing you okay and back to your happy life, that is my only wish, so i don't mind lying to myself again.

Don't care about me, I know I'm NOT your princess and this ain't a fairytale... I know this long enough.

I can be tough, trust me.

and don't worry, I got something more important to do than missing you.

Let's start our journey without each other and be happy.

Ciao! il mio amore.

Sam & Sue, End of Story.

2011-05-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

Sam & Sue ended their love story on 12.5.2011.

Although it's a hard time for Sue,

but she's tough and she decided to keep all those memories away,

start a new page of her life, without sam anymore.

Memories Forever (Sue's Ring)

because of sam can't promise sue a forever love, so he wrote Memories Forever in sue's ring.

So that, every good memories they created, will be with Sue forever.

Endless Love (Sam's Ring)

Sue loves sam truly, deeply, madly......

she hoped that this relationship will be the last in her life,

and sam be the last man she loves.

But she also knows that, there's no Forever Love in reality...

So she gave him Endless Love.

No matter what happens, she will still love him, endlessly.

Why is this happening......

2011-05-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

I visited sam's blog and surprisingly, there's no new post on his blog.
so....... I read his older posts...... and my tears burst out when I'm half reading it......
there's so many things I wanna tell sam......

Sam, you know what? My dad gets a promotion at Sarawak......
My family might moving there soon...... and they might sell our Kajang house.......
which means the place we had our sweet memories, my house, will no longer be my house.......
we got lotsa memories in there and I don't wanna let go......
my heart is bleeding now.......

Life Sux...

2011-05-15T07:18:00.000-07:00

I thought of many ways to kill myself……

either…….

open the door while the car is moving fast, jump out, and get hit by a lorry.

cut my wrist and let the blood flow……

or…… just jump down from a very tall building and be on the cover page the next day……

Sometimes….. I just wanted to die so much……

I don't know why……

I'm tired……. very tired......

I just need someone to listen to me, fully support me, love me......

Goodbye... My love...

2011-05-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

how does it feels… when nobody calls you with those sweet little names like dear? baby? my love? etc…….anymore…… or…… how does it feels like when you can't call someone you love so much,with those sweet little names?

well, i've been through this kind of situation 3 times, and this is the fourth. And, it sucks all the time. But the fourth…… i don't know why…… it hurts so bad…… i really need time to get used to it……

and you know what? when it comes to the end of a relationship…… the most miserable thing in this world is, when you're so sad till you cry without tears…… your heart breaks into million or trillion pieces…… you don't know who to tell…… it's like your world is gone with sunlight…… And I'm sure you don't wanna have a taste of this.

After struggled for days, today (13/5/2011), I, Suewayne Leong and Samson Chen, have reached to an agreement, we officially end our relationship. It's a very hard time for both of us, but we know this is the best way for each of us, even for our future.

This will be the last relationship for me,really…… coz, after seeing how my dad works so hard to support this family and my school fees, I don't wanna disappoint him anymore…… and I don't trust anyone now……

If you ask how I feel right now, I will just tell you that I didn't cry, I'm not gonna cry and I'm okay. I'm tough enough to face it.

and to my dear Samson Chen,

we haven't try couple seat in the cinema, we haven't go for a vacation with just two of us, and we still have many things that are undone…… But it's over now…… At least we tried something else…… Sam, thank you, for being my boyfriend for 6 months. I love you, truly from my heart. I believe i can live a life without you……

Goodbye,my love.

Thanks for the memories.......

lalala

2011-05-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

"lalala..."
你说过你以前很喜欢lalala...... 可能你不记得了吧。
不知怎么，记忆突然涌上⋯⋯
我回想起好多东西⋯⋯
我想起你替我穿鞋，化妆，擦汗⋯⋯你折星星、玫瑰给我，你背起我，你跟我说的秘密，你教我的东西，你来我家，你帮我粉刷房间，你陪我走路到我工作的地方，你陪我到处逛，你在我家做寿司，我替你洗头发，我们在佩慈的圣诞派对上，逃过了游戏环节，在同一区走了一圈又一圈⋯⋯ 还有当我们想念对方时就打喷嚏⋯⋯这一切，都那么的美好。
我们有很多梦想，我们曾幻想很多很多东西⋯⋯我们也曾误以为对方就是那个我们一直在寻找的人⋯⋯
当我能那么坚强地和你谈论我们的事，我其实吓到了，我也觉得自己疯了⋯⋯提出那么自私的要求⋯⋯
恋情，分分合合是很平常的事，我可能多多少少都看开了，也不祈求些什么。只是⋯⋯人有时候会很不甘心，或很会贪心地想要继续，或要求更多⋯⋯
不管你是好人，坏人，对的人，还是错的人⋯⋯只要能跟你在一起，我都觉得很幸福。或许会辛苦，会累，以后可能会伤到自己，但我不会后悔，因为我选择这样，我明白自己要的是什么。I'm growing up, not growing older。
不管以后会怎样，我会疯狂地爱你，为我们制造一个完美的回忆，完美的恋情。
我爱你，我的猫头鹰，永远。

memories forever....

To: My Love

2011-05-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

在多一个星期，我们就在一起半年了⋯⋯

最近，你发觉我幼稚、我有时候get不到你要表达些什么，我的常识不及你，我常做蠢事⋯⋯你也发觉你好像越来越不了解我⋯⋯

是，我不是个聪明的女生，我没有漂亮的脸蛋，我没有迷死人的笑容，我没有一级棒的身材，我的数学不好，我幼稚，我不明白你的一些psychology terms，我没有惊人的才艺，我不会说聪明的话⋯⋯ 因为我是梁淑敏。

因为我是梁淑敏，我只知道的是，当你累了，我可以让你依靠；当你有烦恼时，我倾听你的心声；当你熬夜时，我能陪你熬夜，让你不寂寞；当你失望时，有我在旁鼓舞你；当你一个人时，我希望你知道我会陪你走下去。

记得，无论发生什么时，即使帮不上任何忙，我都不会逃开⋯⋯我会默默在你身边支持你，尽我所能来让你开心。

我对你的爱，没半分虚假⋯⋯ 让我们一起倒数半年感情的到来吧！亲爱的 :)